This is where I am a big fat phony. I don't think people really understand how little I really have. And I feel like I'm deceiving everyone around me.
In 14 days, I will be alone. Raising two children with no family or friend support. And I can honestly say, I am terrified. I've done this before for a month or so, but not nearly as long as six months. Not alone. Not this far from anyone who cares about me.
My two best friends are dealing with some pretty heavy issues in their lives right now. And I feel like a failure out here. I cannot be with them to support and help them out with anything.
My only friend I have out here is leaving in 2 days for Ontario as well. Which SUCKS FUCKING DONKEY BALLS... Please excuse my french.
I feel utterly useless, secluded and alone. My heart ACHES for companionship and friendship, and all of that is going to be at least 1800km away from me.
I hear "You can do it" constantly... and I don't have the heart or courage to even admit that maybe I really CAN'T do this. Maybe I really don't WANT to do this, and I am really sick of putting on the "brave" face and saying "I'll be fine" because at this point, I really don't know if I will be.
I feel lost... and trapped.
Please, someone save me.
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