First Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP3CVojhNUI

Just thought I would post the first video that I made the other day. It was a gorgeous day and we went to the beach =D

And here are a couple pictures as well

Gobble Gobble.

Yum.

I am thinking of making a video everyday so Michael can watch it. I will upload it to my Jestwithkids account on Youtube and will link it here as well. I think it will be fun for him to see what our day is like without him.

I miss him so much. I can't believe it's been a month without him so far.

I will give a nice big update tomorrow and have the first video linked. I love you all!!

Camera

BATTERIES WOMAN!!!! I keep trying to remind myself to get some, but I never get around to it.

I think it may help to find my camera too, right?


When is Michael coming online to talk?

Is he home yet?

Is dinner ready?



Hungry.

R.I.P Ewan Eliezer Petermann

Another baby lost to congenital heart defects....





Rest peacefully little angel.

18 September 2010 - 3 October 2010


http://www.team-ewan.com

Mike

Michael is scheduled to come home Jan 5 - 26th unless I require surgery or if an emergancy comes up.

I'm hoping he can come home maybe a week LATER, I would LOVE for him to be here for my birthday... but on the other hand, I'd like him to come home ASAP.


26 days down.
154 days to go.

ENOUGH!

My kids are yelling at each other when they are supposed to be SLEEPING. This is a very annoying habit, but one I cannot seem to control when they are sharing the same room at my parents home.

I haven't updated in a while. I have been trying to keep myself as busy as possible. Keeping my mind off the fact that Michael is still gone and won't be home for another 3 months for R&R.

Sigh.


The good thing about staying here, is that I can visit my REAL family doctor. Today I had blood work and an ultrasound done, and tomorrow is my CT scan.

Oct 28th I have an appointment with my surgeon and I have an echo cardiogram scheduled.

Thank goodness for doctors who ACTUALLY care about what's wrong with me instead of throwing prescriptions at me.

I really wish Mike was here with me, but I know I am in good hands here. He said he will try and come home if surgery is needed (thank goodness)



Oh, and I FINALLY got my holter results back from Nova Scotia. Yeah, I had that done May 13th. /growl


And the results are........




Patient: Jessica Thomas
ID: 8000908171
DoB/Age: 31-JAN-1984 (26 yr)
Sex: Female
Edit Date: 08-JUN-2010
Hook-up date: 13-MAY-2010
Time: 13:51:00
Duration: 23:20:00

Indications: TACHYCARDIA
Medications: PAROXOTINE/RABEPRAZOLE/METOPROLOL/FEROUS FUMERATE

Summery

129584 QRS complexes
3 Ventricular ectopic which represent <1 % of total QRS complexes
8 Supreventricular ectopics which represent <1 % of total QRS complexes
0 Paced QRS complexes with represent <1 % of total QRS complexes

VENTRICULAR ECTOPY

3 Isolated
0 Bigeminal Cycles
0 Couplets
0 Runs
0 Beats in Runs

SUPRAVENTRICULAR ECTOPY

6 Isolated
1 Couplets
0 Runs
0 Beats in Runs

HEART RATES

52 MIN at 12:24:26 14-MAY-2010
112 AVG
209 MAX at 16:18:04 13-MAY-2010
LONGEST RR 1.240 sec at 07:11:47 14-MAY-2010

Test Indications: Persistent sinus tachycardia

The patient wore the Holter on May 13 for 23 hours and 20 minutes. The baseline ECG shows sinus tachycardia at 104 bpm. The QT interval is normal. The QRS interval is normal.

No symptoms were reported. The patent's rhythm alternated between sinus rhythm and sinus tachycardia. Rates were as fast as 209 bpm, still sinus tachycardia. There was no ST segment deviation. No arrhythmia captured.

CONCLUSIONS

The patient was in sinus rhythm or sinus tachycardia
No symptoms reported
The sinus tachycardia was as fast as 209 bpm
No significant arrhythmia captured

10 Days Down...170 to go

What a week.

After getting some of the negativity out of my life, I finally realized who my real friends are.

This weekend I was up in Madoc, and let me tell ya, It was the best weekend I've had in quite a while. I slept until 1:30 in the afternoon and my MIL just watched the kids all day while I sat in the sunshine smoking my greens. Fantastic weekend.

My Vue is fixed, thanks to my FIL. I was lucky to have it die right when we pulled into their driveway. Haha.

I am sitting here stoned, typing to Julia, who is in the same room as me and listening to P!NK. Oh gooodddd, so wonderful.

Sometimes.......

You just need to step back and look around.

Anger and Tears

Is a horrible combination.

I finally heard from Michael today. He was too 'busy' to call or email. Nice excuse. This is going to be a long long LONG 6 months. I am not even going to analyze why he didn't even tell me he made it safe and sound.. it's not even worth it.


My mother is mad at me. She thinks I have brought drugs into the house, and stormed out of the house like a child instead of actually talking about it like two adults should. I am not even going to feed into this shit. Why would I even CHANCE doing that here? Give me a break.


I just want my family back together. I am already sick of this shit. Really.

Sleep

It's time. To have a nice un-interupted slumber. Trianna is sick with a fever and is waking all of us up with her coughing fits. I hope it settles down tonight.

I still haven't heard from Michael yet. I know he is busy, but 4 days without just sending an email or phone call?


Blaugh. Time to put the kids to bed, have some warm toast and sleep away......

My Mikey

It's been 3 days. I'm not going to announce it's been 'the longest 3 days ever', but I have really genuinlly missed Michael. I feel a little lost without him sometimes. I feel like a wandering puppy when it comes to being a 'full responsible adult'.

We made the trip to Ontario in one drive. Our first time attempting it. I drove all of the night and early morning, and Mike took over in the morning/evening.

Being under my parents roof can be challening. I don't really enjoy sleeping on a thin mattress on the floor. But, at least I am near the people I love the most.

Speaking of which, I am going to snuggle into that thin mattress on the floor right now.





Oh, And I get weed.

Happy Anniversary

Happy 6th Anniversary Mike. Have a great flight and I hope you can make it home for Christmas.

I love you.

Tomorrow

Michael leaves for tour and it's our 6th wedding anniversary.


Sigh.



At least I am in Ontario around friends and family.


It's cold out.

Slowly Packing

And by slowly, I mean, haven't started yet.

We are planning on leaving this weekend sometime, but Hurricane Earl might have something to say about that. I'd rather stay here an extra day, knowing my house hasn't been hit by a tree or fallen over.

I can't believe I am going to be a God mother. FINALLY, one of my best friends is pregnant, and I am loving every second of it. Since I had Trianna almost 6 years ago, I've been ACHING for one of my friends to have a baby. I want to hold, cuddle, love and cherish a new life without having to get up in the night or change diapers!

I do have 2 lovely babies in my life right now. Ariana and Paloma. They are turning 1 in September. It blows my MIND! I can't wait to get to Ontario to visit them again. I miss them SO much.




Their mother Tara, was my only REAL friend out here in Nova Scotia before they got transferred. I cannot WAIT to get back there and start being with them again. I am hoping after Mike's tour, we can put in a transfer and go back to Trenton. We shall see.





Today, after our backyard shaded up, I let the kids outside. Alex immediately took off her diaper and started chasing the butterflies (We always have little white ones flying in our backyard) I really should of taken a picture of it, because her little chunky bum cheeks were bouncing while she ran, and it made me laugh so hard.


I love being a mommy.



Cheers

"A Walk To Remember": Welcome message and our story

"A Walk To Remember": Welcome message and our story: "On June 1, 2010 I gave birth to my son, Sawyer, at Comer Children’s Hospital in Chicago. Soon after his birth, doctors informed us that Saw..."

Better News

I have seemed to come to a better situation when it comes to Michael leaving. I asked my parents if I could stay with them for the six months and have Trianna attend school in Cobourg. After a long lists of requirements (laugh) they finally agreed.

I am going to take a couple courses at Fleming while I am there. Might as well while I have the opportunity, right? Since I am fast at typing, and want to work at home, my mom suggested that I go for Medical Transcription. Good thing is, I can bring that career with my anywhere we go if we get posted.

We shall see! I will have my computer with me, so I will keep updating. I will be in Cobourg for the 6th of September until the middle of March '11


Come on over for a visit if you want!


--Cheers

Goals

Michael is leaving 9 days. N.i.n.e D.a.y.s

I really don't want to spend the whole six months out here. I'd rather much be back in Ontario with family and friends.

My best friend is pregnant with her first baby. And I'm really excited. I've been waiting almost 6 years for this to happen. I love babies, I love holding them, comforting them, and giving the back to their parents when the real work has to be done. *laugh* I love babies.

So in other news. I am starting to set a few goals for myself while Michael is gone.

1. Get more pysically active
2. Lose at least 25lbs
3. Learn Spanish

Those are the ones I have so far. I will hopefully expand this list soon. I want to keep as busy as possible while he is gone.

9 more days. Seriously?




*shakes head*

10 more days

Until Mike leaves.

My only friend that I made out here (Tara) just left today for Ontario. They were just posted out and I am going to miss them like crazy.

I really don't know what to do with myself. I am in complete denial at the moment. I have my days where I am incosolable, and others where I can just shurg it off.


Today is a shrug day. We will see what tomorrow brings.

..................

Please... someone save me from this.

I can't do this.

PLEASE! I BEG YOU.. ANYONE. Please. PLEASE PLEASE!!!!


PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strength

This is where I am a big fat phony. I don't think people really understand how little I really have. And I feel like I'm deceiving everyone around me.

In 14 days, I will be alone. Raising two children with no family or friend support. And I can honestly say, I am terrified. I've done this before for a month or so, but not nearly as long as six months. Not alone. Not this far from anyone who cares about me.

My two best friends are dealing with some pretty heavy issues in their lives right now. And I feel like a failure out here. I cannot be with them to support and help them out with anything.

My only friend I have out here is leaving in 2 days for Ontario as well. Which SUCKS FUCKING DONKEY BALLS... Please excuse my french.

I feel utterly useless, secluded and alone. My heart ACHES for companionship and friendship, and all of that is going to be at least 1800km away from me.

I hear "You can do it" constantly... and I don't have the heart or courage to even admit that maybe I really CAN'T do this. Maybe I really don't WANT to do this, and I am really sick of putting on the "brave" face and saying "I'll be fine" because at this point, I really don't know if I will be.

I feel lost... and trapped.





Please, someone save me.

Buckwheat Noodle Chicken Stir Fry

Yep, that's what I had for dinner. And it was YUMMY.

I am slowly making my way into a healthy-lifestyle transition. We went grocery shopping and surprisingly found out that the "healthier" list we made came to the same price as our regular unhealthy list.

I was thrilled.

I have stuck colourful strips of paper all over my house with this quote writen on it.

"Even if you're on the right track, You'll get run over if you just sit there"

It's on my fridge, above my computer, on the pantry, my clock, my toilet, mirror, sink, stairs, and my eliptical. Everywhere I look, I am constantly reminded that I need to really push myself and get this weight off. Because I know JUST eating healthy will not completely do it.



In other news.


The dog sitting is going great. Winston is such a good boy and is a breeze to look after. He even snuggles beside me when I take a nap (Something I need to stop doing)

Mike is officially off of work until he leaves on September 8th. Two days before our 6th Anniversary. *sigh*



Anddddd.... all of a sudden I don't feel like typing anymore. I'll update tomorrow when I have more ambition to do so.


--Cheers

Can I make things better?

For everyone? Please?

I feel like I want to fix everything for everyone. Because in my mind, somehow, that will make everything in my life better.


What purpose do I serve being out here? Aside from feeling lonely, and utterly USELESS? Is there ANY good coming out of this situation? Is there really a reason why my best friend and husband of six years is leaving me to spend six months near the north pole? What is the purpose? Really.

I do not want to accept the responsiblity of being an adult. I like to SHARE that experience with my husband, and have a much needed break when I need it. Now, I do not have a choice and feel like I am being kicked 300-style into adulthood, and temporary single motherhood. And honestly, it is a scary thought.

I am so thankful I have friends and family who care for me, but I am greedy enough in my mind to want everyone to drop EVERYTHING and not leave me alone for one day out here. I am a very selfish person.

What happens if I get sick while he is gone and no one is here?

A heartattack?
A seizure?
Syncope?
An ulcer?

All of these are very realistic situations for me. Who will be here if I need medical treatment? What happens to my children? What happens to me? What happens if there is an emergancy? Am I overthinking this? Am I overreacting? Someone please tell me.

I don't know what to think anymore. I feel dead without my Michael. And I feel like I cannot do this.

Not looking forward to this at all.


Such a lonely day... and it's mine.

Tears, Babies, Inspiration and a Pug

A busy week for sure.

One of my only friends out here was having a rough week. Her Military husband got posted to CFB Trenton before they could sell their home. She had to stay back while her husband left. She has 10 month old twin girls and a dog.

As a Military wife, mother and human being... I understood the stress of all of this, and offered my assistance every night to her. Feeding and help putting both girls to sleep.

A week later, I went and picked up her husband from the airport and brought him home so they could go on their HHT.

Driving back from Halifax, Cesar got plain honest with me, and gave me the low down on what I need to do to really get this weight off. I got angry and HATED myself for getting this way. He talked to me in a way that no one has ever done, and I am sinserly greatful for the talk.

Later that evening, they dropped off their dog so I can doggy-sit for the week that they are gone.

The first night he seemed a little confused, but not stressed about it. He didn't want to eat, but we managed to find him a spot in our bedroom that he wanted to lay down in. Today we've taken him for 2 walks and he has been eating/drinking fine. He loves watching the traffic go by and he actually jumped into bed with me while I had some quiet time this afternoon.

My husband is leaving in just over 2 weeks. My mind aches just thinking about it.

Half of a year.
Six months.
24 weeks.
180 days.
4,383 hours.
262,974 minutes.
15,778,463 seconds.

How ever you say it, it's too long for me.


-Cheers

Time

It's creeping up on me. The thought of September is such a bitter sweet feeling. On one hand, my little girl starts grade 1, and is in desperate need of interactions of her own age group. But on the other hand, my husband leaves until March 2011.

Lately I have been keeping busy with helping a fellow Military wife and friend with her two 10 month old twins. I have been over to her house every night to help with bedtime, and I plan to keep it up until her husband comes home next week. It gets me out of the house and I'm sure she appreciates the help. Putting baby twins to bed can't be easy on your own.

As I write this, my girls are screaming at each other upstairs. The concept of 'sharing' doesn't seem to apply to their sisterhood. Alexis has an eardrum-bleeding screech, and Trianna has the energy to feed it. And I wonder why I have headaches all day?

Time for rest. I need to get a handle on this headache before it sprouts into a full-on migrane.

Cheers.

Single Parent

Sometimes I feel like a single parent. And it's a disgusting feeling.

My husband works all day and comes home and sleeps until the kids need to be put to bed. Aside from when he takes over the cooking for dinner, most of his interaction with the children and I are through snoring.

I really have no sympathy for him at all. Parenting is your FIRST job. I don't care if you are tired, sick, hurt or just plain lazy.. we are in this job together and he needs to step up to the fucking plate.

Oh, and I'm sure being away from his 'responsibilities' as a parent for 6 months will be a damn treat for him.

The most I have ever seen him play with his kids in the last few months, is laying on the floor letting them jump on him, and chasing them in a hallway for 2 minutes.

When do I get to sleep on the couch? When do I get a sick day? When do I get a 'lunch break'? When do I get to fucking get away for the day and do something else?

I have no sympathy or fucking patients for this kind of thing. I watch the kids all day, afternoon and when he comes home.. I watch them when he sleeps. He puts them to bed, and then he is done for the day.

Welcome to fatherhood Michael... wake the fuck up, and take some damn responsibility for your damn kids. I don't get a break, so you shouldn't either.

I walk around with beta blockers running through my veins and I am dizzy and have headaches ALL day, and I still deal with the kids and have fun. You do nothing.

You know what? This 6 months will not be hard at all... because nothing is going to change around here. Bring it on.


This will be a fucking breeze, and a nice damn break. Oh wait, Mackenzie is coming to help.. it WILL be a nice break! Thank you Mackenzie, so so much.


--Cheers

Diapers

Ok, Michael went to a BBQ, and I called him at 6pm telling him we need diapers...

I guess he assumed that I meant "eventually" because around 10pm (when everything is closed) he still wasn't home. Ugh.

So I had to watch a 2 year old run around the house naked for 3 hours waiting for him to come. I couldn't put her to bed without one, or I would be cleaning more of a mess up.

Around 10:15 I decided even if he came home now, nothing was open, and he wasn't getting them anyways. So I searched around my closet and found my cloth diapers that I had when she was a baby. Ya, smart thinkin' me.

So I am hoping the velcro stays on all night and she doesn't soak through. Oh, and she sleeps in.

Good night bloggies!


--Cheers


P.S He's getting a verbal thrashing when he gets home *laugh*

Blah

Well today was uneventful. With my heart on the fritz, I wasn't too modivated to do anything. I am determined to get out of the house tomorrow and spend sometime with a good friend and momma of two twin girls.

The girls were a little hectic this morning. Alexis was trying to steal toys from Trianna, and vise versa. It was loud and I could feel my stomach knoting up with every whine and squeel coming from them. So I seperated them into different rooms and two different TV shows. That seemed to keep them quiet until I was ready to get off my butt.

Michael came home for an hour, and then headed to a friends BBQ. He is still not home (It's 10pm) and I have been waiting for him since 5. Why am I waiting? Because I ran out of diapers for Alexis and I cannot put her to bed without any. So my girls are still awake. On a good note, I am hoping they sleep in for me at least!

I plan to post a lot of pictures on this blog (almost daily) So watch out, I can't promise they will be ALL cute... my girls can be monsters sometimes!

Crossing my fingers for sleep-in tomorrow!!!


--Cheers

First Entry

This will be only an introduction post.

I have been torn away from my closest friends and family, and thrown into "adulthood". Being 1800km away from anyone close is a hard pill to swallow. 

Michael is leaving for CFS Alert in September for six months, and I can't even comprehend the thought. The military, being as "supportive" as they are, keeps reminding me that I knew my husband was in the Military when I married him, so I KNEW what I was getting into. 

Trianna is going into grade 1 this year and the thought of it blows my mind away. Alexis is starting to potty train, and you can usually find her running around naked in the house at any given time.

After 3 years of being posted to Nova Scotia, I have finally found a family doctor willing to take on my family. With my current heart issues, and the new medication they have been testing me on makes me constantly tired and dizzy. I feel like a 50 year old taking afternoon naps with my daughters.

I will be continuing to update this blog almost every day. I want to document and record my daily life out here, so many of my friends and family can get an inside look to how I am feeling inside.


As for now, I am getting ready for bed. To tackle another crazy day with my girls.

Trianna Mae Thomas - 5 Years Old

Cheers.

Alexis Grace Thomas - 2 Years Old